Can we disagree and still love each other at Thanksgiving? For public speaking coach and veteran PR professional Rosemary Ravinal, the answer is yes.
“If you decide to share the holiday table with people with whom you deeply disagree, it’s worth following some ground rules of diplomacy and civility,” she shares in this column.
By Rosemary Ravinal
With Thanksgiving and year-end holidays approaching, you may be bracing yourself for difficult conversations with family and friends who voted for a different slate of candidates on election day. You may be feeling a bit of déjà vu as you reflect on difficult conversations you had in the past, which may seem like child’s play by comparison with today’s politically charged climate.
You may be on the fence looking for an excuse to uninvite yourself to Uncle Pete’s annual pig roast, a family tradition since you were a child. Or you may choose to step up and face reality. The political landscape will likely be altered for many years to come, and you may not want to make excuses for your absence indefinitely.
Here’s my take on how to embrace these social occasions and come out better on the other side.
- Practice “ahimsa,” the Buddhist and Hindu principle of respect for all living things and avoidance of violence in all forms. People are fundamentally good and merely act in their self-interest.
- You’re not going to change anyone’s mind at this stage. People with strong beliefs are locked in for the long term and will change only when their circumstances change.
- Leave your virtue signaling at home. It’s better to be happy than right.
- Refrain from labeling someone as good or evil. People are complicated and opinions are nuanced.
- Always be self-aware; keep your rage in check.
- Set a goal for the gathering and prepare in advance. Anticipate who will be around the table and their viewpoints. Plan for neutral conversations about shared interests such as sports, food, music, and family memories.
- Bring an old family album, videos, heirlooms, or keepsake to kickstart conversations about ancestors, shared experiences, and traditions.
- Participate in group activities. Play board games suitable for all ages. Share in meal preparation.
- Don’t be afraid to firmly but politely disagree on issues that have to do with peoples’ fundamental humanity. Arm yourself with phrases that are clear and concise like, “That’s not a point I’m willing to argue.” Or “I understand your opinion and I respectfully disagree.”
- Listen with curiosity. Flex your EQ and listen to understand why others think differently from you and exercise patience. This understanding may help you survive the coming years.
You can only control your own thoughts and actions, not how others think and behave. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” a reminder to practice self-leadership and walk the path towards harmony.
Contact Rosemary Ravinal for details on public speaking training programs or one-on-one coaching services in any of the following areas, in both English and Spanish:
-
Public Speaking
-
Media Readiness
-
Presentation Skills
