Emily The Bachelorette entertains in Charlotte


What on earth was Brad thinking? This was all I could think about as I watched Emily go about her normal day, changing into one gorgeous outfit after another, showing her wit and maturity with her questions with the guys and all the while being a doting mom on adorable Ricki. I think we’ve got a very special person on our hands and last night’s episode made me think we are in for a great season. Yes, there are people out there who cry for something more interesting. Drama. A bunch of Chris Lambtons.  I still think we’ve got potential with a number of the guys.  Plus it’s not all chores and soccer mom stuff.

Bravo, to the ABC producers on there not being another stupid soap opera reenactment where Emily makes out with 10 or 11 guys in a row while wearing a French maid costume. Her first date was far more interesting. Get in the car and go to her place. I wanted to applaud the TV. Emily is smart enough to know that she needs to break the guys in early.  Separate the boys from the men.  If you can’t take the heat of baking chocolate chip cookies in her kitchen…you’ll most likely have a breakdown at Ricki’s soccer practice. I love that Emily is just running her errands, treating the show as her day job. I hope that we get to see more of her interactions with her friends. Because what do you do after going on a great or awful date? You call up your friends and yap about it – sometimes it’s more fun than the actual date itself!

It looks like Emily has become a hometown heroine in Charlotte. I love that she had a bunch of Charlottonians lined up with cell phones recording her entrance to dinner with Ryan. I fist pumped when Ryan got the first date. The Husband still refers to him as “Thick Neck Ryan,” mostly because he likes saying it five times straight, but I think Ryan is a beautiful man. Great dimples, great eyes and he’s got that Southern gentleman thing going for him that Emily seems to like. Plus, I immediately picked up on his strong religious beliefs which I think Emily is equally on board with. One of his first lines to the other guys was, “My pastor says that if you treat a woman like a queen, she’ll treat you like a king.” We can check the “goes to church” box off for Emily. I think she’ll like a church-going boy. She is known as a Barbie doll with the soul of Mother Teresa.

Did you see the blatant display of male chests and abdomens glistening by the mansion’s pool? They kept panning from man nipple to man nipple and I think this was supposed to be payback to the women viewers for all of the bikini and hot tubs scenes we’ve had to endure during The Bachelor, making me (and I suspect others?) feeling like we should watch the show from a stair master or treadmill at the gym. Anyhow, there were some nice toned, tan “situations” to glance at if you liked nothing else about the episode. [Side note: a former colleague of mine was out with his son to pick up a slice of pizza in the suburbs of New Jersey. In the parking lot of the pizza place, there was a Bentley car (not Bentley the jerk) parked with a New Jersey license plate that said “The Sitch.” There were also small silver letters attached to the rear of the car which said, “THE SITUATION.” Uchh, could Mike Sorrentino be any more obnoxious? You know he will be drag racing with Kalon’s chopper in the next few months.]

My favorite Emily lines about Ryan:

“Ryan is crazy good-looking. But so was Brad. And we all know how that turned out.”

To Ryan after putting an apron on him and having him make cookies, “This is what you’re signing up for. Do you want to run for the hills yet?”

About Ryan, “He totally passed the cookie test.”

“Next we’re going to Chucky Cheese for dinner.” (This was pretty awesome. Ryan was smiling and trying to just go along with it, but he’d probably had enough by then.)

“I don’t want to be someone else’s prize” (Go Emily! Even though you kind of are the prize by nature of The Bachelorette being a contest to woo you)

“Obviously I’d really be in charge,” Emily says on how things would be once she finds someone to share her life with.

To Ryan, “I’m going to give you a chase…get on it…you have no idea”

I liked Ryan. Thought they had a nice first date and really am loving the “everyday nitty gritty” shift from jumping off waterfalls to running errands. That’s life, folks. And while it doesn’t make for the most exciting episode, it had a nice mix of fun (Muppets love triangle between Emily, Miss Piggy and Kermit? Brilliant!). Looks like things are moving at a nice pace and you can tell she’s very attracted to him. When he busted out a 7 page love letter at the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, I kind of started to feel a bit pressured by him. Especially with poor Tony in the background having to listen to it all. Ryan’s going in full steam, laying all his cards out and there’s a definitely a bit of sweet talking going on there that I just hope is sincere. I can’t tell whether he’s ready for an instant family / dad role just yet, but I’m willing to give him another chance because he’s trying. Also, I think they’re personalities go well together. I’d like to see him interact with children and do more house duties in an apron to really make a full evaluation.

Ok, enough about Ryan. I’ve gone on too long already.

Let’s move to the Muppets date. Did I miss something or did the actual stand up comedy acts that several of the guys (including Charlie) were originally selected for not happen? At least they didn’t do another horrendous roast of Emily.  I hope those one liner jokes were not the only entertainment. Growing up, I absolutely adored the Muppets and had I been taken to a live performance at age 6 and allowed to go up on stage and sing with them, I would have been in heaven. How awesome for Ricki that she got to do that. It was kind of confusing when they talked about Emily being The Bachelorette, though, because Emily has told Ricki that they are filming an extensive home video that they will have for later in their lives to enjoy. I wonder what Ricki must be thinking about all of this. I think it’s great that Emily gets to include Ricki in some of these dates while still keeping her shielded from the guys. The Muppet Show was the perfect example of a brilliantly orchestrated date. It entertained Ricki and gave her a very special experience. It raised money for charity. It allowed us to see how many Caucasian people live in Charlotte and we got to know some of the guys a little better. I felt really bad for Charlie but was happy he was able to confide in Emily. Charlie really did seem to not have any physical issues and I thought he nailed Miss Piggy’s question to him out of the park. I like Charlie, but am wondering how far along in his recovery he is and whether there are any long term effects (he can still have children, right?). He’s not any kind of disability in terms of work, is he? These are things I think we need to figure out.

The Villain is…

Kalon will definitely be our entertainment this season. He always seems to have lip balm on and the guys are already being rubbed the wrong way about him. Doug thinks that Kalon insulted his devotion to his son by stating something along the lines that Doug had “put being a dad on hold.” Cheesy Stevie just wants to deck the guy. Kalon says that he “embraces the stage,” so I guess he’s in the right place. His white sweater cardigan over a button down shirt was so country club preppy, it made me laugh. But yes, I do think he’d fit in well at the Greenbrier and understands women who “get their first makeovers” there. Emily may come from a privileged upbringing, but she’s still sweet and not vain enough to avoid insecurities and being nervous around some of the guys.  By the way, I’m still waiting to get my first makeover.  Maybe I should go to West Virginia for one?

Deep Thoughts….

•           Were Aaron the Biology Teacher’s Clark Kent glasses real? Or did he buy them at Urban Outfitters? I can’t decide.

•           Did anyone else cringe when Chris Harrison, in the Muppets theater audience said, “Well, all good things must come to an end?” What that foreshadowing of his impending divorce?

•           Some of you may think that the episode was slightly dull. But I think it’s a more realistic season – and since we’ve got a 6 year old girl’s life on the line here – I’m willing to sacrifice a little drama for the security that whoever Emily picks will be around.

•           Does Jef kind of look like a cooler version of the little nerdy guy from the movie Sixteen Candles with Molly Ringwald? I think his name was Jeff in the movie too. Maybe it’s just the coloring. We’ll have to do a comparison.

Favorite Moments From The Episode:

•           Tony has arrived! This guy wins the best sport award. He may not be the drop dead good looking Brad Womack type, but I liked him. He was so patient listening to Ryan’s letter and yet stood his ground to wait his turn with Emily. I liked his Kermit voice. And that he’s a dad. I also liked what he said to Emily after she was finally done reading Ryan’s letter, “I told him to say all of that…” He’s funny! And he’s a lumber trader – which means he must have some awesome plaid wool coats at home. Of course, not sure that’s something he can do in Charlotte.

•           I don’t really see Emily’s attraction to Chris. He seems like a nice enough guy but she certainly made his life by telling him how good looking he was. His eyes lit up like fireflies.

•           Jef (with one “F”) seems to have gotten the wind knocked out of his sails. He may not do very well during this process. Emily seems like she’s going to have to keep convincing him that he’s special and nobody has better hair than him (except for maybe Michael, but Abercrombie hair model Michael had his mane back in a pony tail this week. He didn’t say two words, but that’s ok, because Abercrombie hair models don’t need to say much).

•           I loved that every guy thought the he had the best talk with Emily. And that nobody else could possibly have had as great of a talk.

•           Stevie’s dancing with Emily made me cringe, but not more than his newsboy hat to the side / sweater vest. It’s creeping into my thoughts. Plus Stevie’s going to self destruct with his Kalon hatred. It was kind of strange to watch all of the guys watch them from the stairs and laugh. We may have some maturity issues in this lot.

•           When Chopper Kalon took Emily for some alone time, he tells her to please sit down, but she had already sat. That kind of made me laugh. Also, he seems to be the king of slick one liners, “If there was a girl like you in Texas, I wouldn’t need to be here.” And let us not forget, “Enjoy your conversation with Aaron, he’s a great guy.” Vomit. Can’t forget his final self proclamation of, “I’m a little more eloquent in how I approach myself” in contrast to Stevie who simply said to Kalon, “I don’t like you.”

•           Why was Kalon dressed like he was ready to go on Trump’s The Apprentice? He always has this appearance that he’s about to enter a business meeting – or the first class area of the Titanic.  I especially loved when he said that he was “mentally refreshed” after speaking with Emily.

•           The Wolf said it best, “If you have Louis Vuitton luggage and you’re a dude, you’re a @#($#(!!”

Average Joe :

So Joe received the royal treatment that we’re used to seeing on this show and look where it got him – shipped home. We did get some highlights from the date: Emily’s first bikini shot – woah, she’s seriously perfect. We learned that Emily is a West Virginia girl (will the John Denver song be the theme this year?). We also learned that if Emily is already crying about sending a guy home this early in the process, we’re in for a long season. The highlight of their date for me was her beautiful pink ballgown. Ok that, and listening to poor Joe try to interpret what Emily wants to hear in response to the “where do you see yourself in 5 years” test. It sounds like a question, but really it was a test and poor Joe failed.

Arie Love:

Let’s talk about Arie. He’s quickly moving up the ranks in my opinion. We learned he’s acquainted with dating single moms before, so at least he knows what he’s in for. Not sure I like him traveling so much in the summer for car racing, but at least Emily and Ricki can go with him.

Roses went to:

Kalon (Louis Vuitton Luggage, Chopper)

Arie (Race Car Hottie)

Michael (Abercrombie hair mode with a pony tail this round)

Nate (blonde, decent looking, don’t know much about him)

Sean (other blonde, first out of limos, very cute)

Chris (tall, blue eyed, big build who can’t believe Emily called him good looking)

Doug (dad of 11 year letter writing son)

Travis (ostrich egg)

Tony (other dad, seems nice and patient)

John (Wolf)

Alessandro (Jack Wagner)

Alejandro (whaaaaa?)

Charlie (no stand up for him, just singing)

Stevie (Cheesy)

This week, my favorite 5:

5.  Tony / Sean / Nate  (3 way tie. These guys are kind of all still mysteries)

4.  Doug (Still like that he’s a dad)

3.  Ryan (He was #1 for me last week, but his 7 page love letter kind of threw me off)

2.  Charlie (I loved how he carried himself throughout the Muppets show)

1.  Arie (Just dreamy. Has a lot in common with Emily. Like the fact that they’re both good looking)

— By Stacey Becker