A eulogy is a short speech typically delivered during a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life. While it is a deeply personal experience, a well-crafted eulogy can offer comfort to others, observe the person’s life, and help you process your own emotions. Public speaking coach Rosemary Ravinal shares in this column how to write and deliver a meaningful eulogy, with tips to guide you through each stage of the process.
By Rosemary Ravinal
Writing and delivering a eulogy can feel overwhelming, especially during a time of grief. Several close friends of mine have passed recently, all elders who lived rich and consequential lives. It can be difficult to write a eulogy for someone close, as I learned when preparing to honor the life of my dear friend Angelo.
How can you write a powerful eulogy?
1. Understand the purpose
Before you begin writing, it’s important to understand the purpose of a eulogy. It should:
- Reflect the essence of the person’s life.
- Share personal memories, stories, and qualities that define the individual.
- Provide comfort to those in mourning.
- Celebrate the deceased’s impact on their family, friends, and community.
- Offer a sense of closure and tribute.
With these goals in mind, you can start planning what to include.
2. Gather information and reflect on the person’s life
Start by collecting stories, memories, and qualities that define the person. Talk to family members, friends, or colleagues to gather different perspectives. Think about key moments, accomplishments, or personal traits that stood out. Consider the person’s passions, values, quirks, and relationships. Questions to reflect on might include:
- What are your most cherished memories with this person?
- How did they make a difference in the lives of others?
- What values or lessons did they teach?
- What made them unique or memorable?
These reflections will form the core of your eulogy.
3. Organize the components
Matt Abrahams, author of Think Faster, Talk Smarter, recommends the four-part framework: WHAT.
W – Why are we here. Set the tone with a brief acknowledgment of the reason for the gathering and focus on the deceased and their family.
H – How are you connected? Introduce yourself and describe your relationship with the deceased. This adds a personal touch and helps the audience connect with you.
A – Anecdotes, stories, and personal reflections. This is the heart of the eulogy. Share personal anecdotes and memories that capture the person’s character. Highlight their sense of humor, generosity, kindness, or other defining qualities. You can also incorporate meaningful quotes, poems, or verses.
T – Thanks. Express gratitude and offer good wishes to the family and congregants. End with a message of hope, comfort, or inspiration. You might talk about how the person’s memory will live on or how their legacy will continue through loved ones. A final personal reflection or goodbye can also be powerful.
4. Write with emotion and authenticity
It’s okay to be vulnerable and express your grief, but also include moments of joy or humor if they feel appropriate. A eulogy doesn’t have to be somber throughout—it’s a celebration of life as much as it is a farewell.
Would you like one-on-one coaching to prepare for your next tribute or celebratory event? Schedule a no-obligation call with Rosemary Ravinal to explore how she can help you uplevel your public speaking in any scenario.
