Emily Maynard’s higher calling for some kissing: The Bachelorette goes to Bermuda

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It was a bit of a slower episode in Bermuda, but I think that a few things that took place this week will set us up for some minor fireworks down the road. Mind you, this is not going to be an explosive season and some of you may not like that. I, for one, am happy to see a beautiful, mature, intuitive single mom find a good match for herself without all the nonsense. It’s a different sort of a season, as Chris Harrison told us at the beginning – and I find it refreshing, if a little vanilla. We’re recalibrating here.


Some of the highlights from Bermuda:

(1) Michael’s headbands. So when we first see him, he’s wearing a bright yellow headband and a pony tail. Then in the Bermuda men’s suite, he’s wearing a bright blue head band and a pony tail. If you’re looking for variety and excitement this season, it may lie in Michael’s hair. Too bad he’s going home, but we barely heard a word out of him. Actually, the most interesting purpose he served, besides hair eye candy, was to be the recipient of Ryan’s evil plans to take over the Bachelor franchise in Augusta, GA to serve his “higher calling.”

(2) Chris Harrison’s purple plaid shirt. Did you notice this shirt? I like that Chris H is starting to take some fashion risks, but was not sure about those purple rolled up sleeves. That said, nobody is looking at him when Emily is around, so no wonder he’s trying to step it up.

(3) One of the cutest parts of the episode was watching Emily and Ricki run around Bermuda together. Don’t you just want to squeeze the heck out of Ricki with one giant hug? She’s the poster child of an adorable little happy girl. Plus now we know where they got that orange / sunset “The Bachelorette” screen shot with the outline of Emily holding up Ricki with the wind blowing. Emily at one point says, “Maybe I’ll come back to Bermuda one day with my husband, I might be pregnant…or pushing a baby stroller.” The Husband comments: “That would be a nightmare.” I think he means to push a stroller around Bermuda would be a nightmare, not to actually have a baby.

(4) The guys driving up in motor scooters to one of the most expensive hotels in the world. Travis (not Brent) makes some ridiculous, “Bermuda, Bermuda” chant and The Husband says, “That’s right, take it in, you’re not going to last much longer.”  Chris Harrison tells us in his blog that Arie, the race car driver, actually crashed his scooter on the way there.  Hopefully he’s better at driving race cars.

(5) Rosewood Tucker’s Point. If you liked nothing else on this episode, what about a trip to Bermuda? It’s only 90 minutes away from the East Coast and Jet Blue flies there which means first checked bag is free and you get to have those amazing blue potato chips on board.  Seems like it’s quite pricey there this time of year. Still can’t believe the cheapest rate we could get in August was $868 per night. WTF??

(6) Arie’s sense of humor. There’s some skepticism about this guy. Rumors about his past, his intentions and whether his obvious passion with Emily can really last. But all this aside, he’s actually a pretty funny dude. When the date card arrived and he says, “Arie, let’s explore again,” that was awesome. These guys are so competitive and tense, Arie is a breath of fresh air. His comments about Doug being caveman like, “Doug is like the hulk. Doug angry. Doug sad,” were telling.

(7) Stormy Bermuda weather. Was it me or did there always seem to be a symbolic thunderstorm during some of the more drama filled moments in the episode? If this was a romance novel, there would certainly be thunder crashing around Doug and Chris’s absurd conversation about nothing.  How poetic.

(8) Doug’s Perfection? So Emily can’t quite put her finger on it but she feels that Doug is trying to be “too perfect.” This makes her uncomfortable. He seemed fine on the date, it was what happened before and after the date that made me uncomfortable. The guys were quick to “push his buttons” in the guy’s suite, but Doug seemed to be flipping out for no apparent reason. Yes, I understand he’s nervous for the date and the guys harping on it don’t help, but he seemed a bit too intense, especially when he started cursing at all of them. Speaking of the guys in the men’s suite, why were they all wearing royal blue shirts? It’s a nice color, but it looked like they were in uniform and as Arie said, “this isn’t a football team…it’s time to end the bromance.” Good point, Arie.

Doug’s date was Emily seemed pretty uneventful. Emily didn’t like his perfect answers and seems to want something more from him that either he’s not capable of showing her or that is not in him. He tells her that he started a charity and her response, “Of course you did,” because it’s the perfect thing to say but then we don’t hear anything about the charity. The postcard to his son, Austin, was a nice gesture.   You know when Emily and Doug went through the moon gate she was wishing she’d be back there with Arie.

Their conversation about each other’s faults was slightly irritating. For one, it’s a silly question – you’re on a first date with someone and the person you are trying to impress is asking to know everything that’s wrong about you. Does this sound like relaxing first date conversation? She certainly didn’t seem to drill Arie like that.  Of course, Doug’s going to say that he was too good of a father and wouldn’t wash his ex-girlfriend’s car as being faults. What else is he supposed to say? That he’s slightly neurotic around large groups of males who are all competing to go out with the same girl? On the other hand, it was a nice attempt to cut through the honeymoon period and see what this guy is made of, only it didn’t really work. BTW, I loved that Emily tells Doug that some days she wears pajamas all day – and Doug is excited about this (“Sign me up,” he says). He thinks there will be some sort of lingerie show going on in their bedroom 24/7 when this is over. But then she clarifies that she wears these pajamas out to do her errands and you can see his face fall a bit.  So what do you think of Doug? Did you love him? Is he Mr. Perfect? Or is there something about him that’s a bit off?

(9) Alejandro. This guy is starting to come out of the Bachelorette shell. He’s got a lot of time to make up, but really does seem like a promising and interesting guy.

(10) Can someone PLEASE kiss this girl? No idea how Doug talked himself out of kissing Emily, but what a lost opportunity that was. There were several moments this week where poor Emily was just waiting to get puckered up and nobody would go in for it. Perhaps that is why it’s a bit slow? By this point, even Ashley had made out with 7 or 8 of the guys. Are they intimidated by Emily’s beauty or are they just trying to be respectful? This competition may come down to who is willing to give the girl some passion. Which is why Arie and Sean are off the charts right now.  Ryan already kissed her on their date, you’d think he’d at least try again for all his talk, he’s no action. He’s complaining that she kissed Arie, but hello, that’s EXACTLY what Ryan signed up for.  This is the Bachelorette! Awesome that Emily recognizes his double standard complaint.

(11) The group sailing date must have been fun to compete in, but wasn’t really all that eventful. We did learn a few tidbits, like Sean played Division 1 college football, that watching the red team come home in the van after they lost was reminiscent of Ben Flajnik’s losing girls’ softball team who took a van back to their Puerto Rican hotel and cried. Poor Charlie must have known his fate was sealed in that moment, though some readers here have commented that such a strong emotional reaction may be a physical reaction from his injury. If that’s the case, then that really is a shame. I liked Charlie a lot.

(12) I guess we should talk about Ryan a bit. At this point, “narcissistic” is a kind word to describe him. I’m so disappointed at how far down this guy has come since his promising arrival out of the limo. When he calls Emily the potential “trophy wife,” I knew Emily would catch on. But that speech he gave her about her having an opportunity to influence women and be a role model was just condescending on crack. Not sure why she kept him around for another week, but hope he’s leaving soon.  Emily is on to him as she said in her blog this week about her conversations with him, “I felt like Ryan wasn’t giving me the same respect at all.  I know what kind of woman I am, and I refuse to let anyone make me question myself, especially for something so small.”

Some of Ryan’s more ridiculous lines:

Ryan: “I want to flirt with her…I want to build up some excitement.”

Stacey B: This guy can only get himself excited.

Ryan: “There’s a lot of depth to who I am.”

The Husband: Maybe, but I only see it in his neck.

Ryan: “I’m not here to impress you, but to make an impression upon you.”

Stacey B: OMG, he’s going to sit on her.

Ryan: “I have a very mature approach to relationships.”

Stacey B: Which is why he’s on the show to manipulate Emily, promote himself and become the next Bachelor

Ryan: “I was praying for both of us…I was praying that you’d use this opportunity to impact lots of people…”

Stacey B: He was praying that Emily couldn’t see past his 7 page love letter, his Southern charm and his “higher calling” of becoming the next Bachelor.

Ryan: “G-d has blessed me in a lot of ways. I’m attractive. I’m athletic. I’m charming…I’m a really good catch. I think the other guys see that.”

The Husband: Is this for real?

Ryan: “G-d designed you to be a beautiful woman. So be a beautiful woman.”

Stacey B: Kick him in the face, Em!

(13) Watching Emily and Arie cuddle on the beach in that white blanket and seeing him circle her knee affectionately later on, like it’s the most natural think in the world, it’s hard to picture her with anyone else. She thinks about him when she’s alone. She wants him to be patient. If Arie plays his cards right, he’s going to sail right into the finale. I hope he’s worthy.

(14) So it’s a few minutes later and Jef is wrapped up with Emily in that same blanket. Only he won’t kiss her. Does the blanket smell like Arie? Has Arie marked it somehow? Jef doesn’t care about kissing. He just “wants to matter” to Emily.

A+ Emily Moments:

Call her boring, call her dull, but these moments kind of blew me away this past week. Go Emily!

•           She gets pissed when Ryan calls her out about kissing Arie. She is so right. If this was The Bachelor, “nobody would bat an eye.” Because that’s what The Bachelor does. He’s expected to make out and break hearts like bowling pins. Emily has kissed 3-4 dudes in four weeks and she’s suddenly the town harlot? I don’t think so, Ryan!

•           Emily’s wardrobe – again she is stunning. I loved her beautiful blue / brown tie dyed dress she wore on Doug’s date (you can own it too for $350). Her bikini on the two vs. one boring date was definitely the highlight of that date. When she jumped off the cliff, I was worried, but then realized she’s got two built in flotation devices, and I’m not talking about Nate or the Wolf. Her white pants suit was a little, “I dream of Jeannie,” especially with the perfect ponytail that had to have been some sort of hair extension, but she’s still absolutely perfect looking.

•           I loved the way Emily handled Nate on the two vs. one. It’s already an awkward situation, but she sent him home as sweetly and gracefully as possible. Who knew we had another crier on our hands? Was it the wine? The quinoa getting stuck in his throat?  Think she was being nice in keeping the Wolf, though from Emily’s blog we learn that when they were cliff jumping, she had a minor panic attack due to the water being freezing and rough.  John comforted her on the boat ride back.  OMG, we also learn that during Emily’s alone time with Nate, he actually sang Meatloaf to her and asked what she “wouldn’t do for love.”  Wow, that would have been awesome to see – kind of a Kasey Kahl singing to Ali Fedotowsky moment.

•           Emily’s Chat with Chris Harrison.  I’m so glad Emily doesn’t require a therapist to travel with her. Who needs a therapist when you’ve got Chris Harrison?  Their talk was quite candid which a) made me like Emily even more and b) made me wonder whether they’re telling us too much about her interset in Arie for him to actually to be our guy (her giggling at the mention of his name says it all).  How funny, when she discussed being on a beach twice with Jef with “nothin'” happening, I had to laugh.  Emily is waiting for some action (so are we!).  Found it awesome (and relieving) when she says, “Ryan thinks he’s pulling one over on me.”  She actually used the word “manipulative.” Maybe she’s keeping him around just to mess with him.

Moments That Never Should Have Happened:

•           The Chris vs. Doug showdown was just stupid.  I had a hard time trying to understand what the problem was.  Here’s what I think happened: Chris is upset because he’s 25 and Doug has either said or implied that Chris couldn’t possibly be mature enough for Emily.  So he approaches Doug and asks him why he (Doug) thinks that he (Doug) is the better man for Emily.  Doug’s response, “I think you’re being immature right now.” OMG, is this classic taunting behavior?  It’s like when someone says – stop being a baby, don’t cry, and all you can do is cry.  Or someone yelling at you not to be so uptight, but this only makes you more uptight.  So is the fact that Chris confronts Doug mean that Chris is immature? Does anyone actually care?

This may just be a result of too much alcohol, testosterone and being cooped up in a Bermuda suite too long.  Chris Harrison actually takes a position on this one, saying that “Doug…was incredibly condescending to Chris the whole time.”  Wow, so the oldies (Doug and Ryan) are beating up on Chris.  Not nice.

•           One other point that deserves it’s own line: Chris’s accusation against Doug is that he’s “over the top humble.”  This combined with the thunderstorm in the background made me think for a brief second that they would start kissing.  Though it didn’t happen, unfortunately, as I think that could have been the drama some are seeking this season. Either way, I think there’s something about Doug which doesn’t sit right with Emily.

•           Kalon’s glasses are very distracting.  He looked really tired with them on at the rose ceremony.  Like he had pink eye or was really hungover.  I wasn’t a fan.

•           Michael the hair model crying upon getting the boot.  That has to be fake, right?

Roses Go To: Sean, Arie, Travis, Kalon, Chris, Ryan and Alejandro.  Wolf, Doug and Jef already had one.  So Charlie and the Hair Model go home.  Quite shocking that Charlie is leaving us before Ostrich Egg (Travis) but there you have it. Alejandro is getting one more shot or he’s history.

We are off to London next week – woo hoo!  And hopefully we’ll get to see Emily teach Chris the running man (or woman?) dance.  Looks like Sean and Jef get their one on one dates.  This should be awesome and hopefully more kisses will take place.  So who are your favorites? What do you think of Doug vs. Chris? Are you sad that Charlie is gone?  Who’s solo date are you most excited for next week (Sean or Jef?).

My top 5:

5.  Alejandro (I think he may be a really nice guy, we just need to know more)

4. Jef (Not sure there’s any romance there, but he seems interesting – next week’s date will be telling)

3. Chris (He’s scrappy and willing to stick up for himself. I think he has the maturity, the question is can he survive Doug and Ryan)

2. Sean (can’t wait for next week’s solo date to see what this guy is all about)

1.  Arie (off the charts)

–Please note that Stacey B’s I Love The Bachelor / Bachelorette Blog will shortly be moving to a new site called “Office Stace” which can be found at http://www.OfficeStace.com  Please stay tuned!


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1 COMMENT

  1. Hands down, Doug is a class act. The fact that he has a beautiful woman sitting in front of him and doesn’t kiss her because he’s a “gentlemen”….we need more guys like that in this world. All the other guys seem to be about the “chase” or “winning”…I like Doug’s style, truly a class act !

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